I didn’t really plan anything today.
I just decided that today is going to be “me day” because I haven’t had any me time for a long time much less a whole day to myself, to do what I want to, for my happiness.
And so I woke up when I felt like it which is pretty early actually because I fell asleep early last night after a day I posted a status about: Days like this will be the death of me. I woke up very early but I only really got out of bed at lunchtime to eat. It was a morning of watching videos, playing songs on Red, my guitar, surfing the internet and listening to songs. Usually I would beat myself up for wasting time doing not-so-productive things but it is my day and I have had enough of beat-ups from a lot of other things and other people for the past couple of days so I caught myself.
In the morning I was talking to myself in my head which is not really unusual for me but I guess it got to me and I ended up talking to myself out loud by late afternoon. And now that I think about it, it may not be as unusual as I thought.
But aside from that, on the way home from grocery shopping (essential part of me day), I suddenly felt like getting off the jeepney a good distance away from the dorm. Idk why. I thought twice about it. I have a pretty big, pretty heavy grocery bag to carry. I’m too tired for a walk. I live here. What else is there to see? But I’ve been doing a pretty good job of following my gut lately and actually, recently when I decide on something and then find excuses to change my mind, a part of me says that I might meet someone special when I do this at this place and time or that something really special might happen when I push through with the original plan and I might miss it because of shallow reasons. So I do it.
So I did it. I got down the next stop and because it wasn’t as far from the dorm as I had wanted, I sat down one of the benches around the acad oval and watched the lights (it was pretty dark then) and took pictures and spoke to myself again (in my head this time). I don’t regret it. I didn’t meet anyone. Nothing super special happened. But I don’t regret it. It was kind of fun actually. Even when my headache returned as I finally walked back to the dorm while munching on one of the best things in the world: chocolates.
I got back to an empty dorm which made me even happier. I had our room all to myself pretty much the whole day. I mean I like my roommates; they’re really nice. But I just really felt like being alone on me day. And for good reasons too like getting to play the guitar + sing and talk to myself out loud. During dinner I even ate by myself even though I spotted a friend in the dorm cafeteria (she didn’t see me see her though). Everything summed up to be a pretty refreshing day.
Silence is my best friend on days like this.
The highlights of me day would have to include:
I will run away.
Even for just a day.
One of these days I will be like, “Screw you acads and stress and people I can’t stand, I’m off to be happy!”
And then I will run off to wherever my feet will lead me with my journal and a camera and my phone (turned off) and chocolates to last the day.
To the sun and the horizon and maybe on the way I’ll find my happy place. I’ve always wanted to find a happy place of my own.
Maybe somewhere grassy and where I can watch the sun rise and set and just shine.
And realize that I don’t need anything else or anyone to be happy. I just need my peace and quiet and my thoughts.
Really, one day. One day I will.
After all, happiness is a choice. So what choice do I have to make? (DebSoc, unknown)