Taking its toll

by jemfinch

When my friend forgot my birthday and (jokingly, but still) blamed it on me not posting it on Facebook and never greeted me personally, it hit me: we’re probably no better than simple acquaintances. At that moment I realized that we have been so dependent on chats and text messages that I am still admittedly uncomfortable talking to Friend face-to-face. I can’t believe that my usually sentimental, friendship-obsessed self has allowed for our friendship to be built upon communication through Facebook and our keypads.

And now it’s taking its toll.

Around Friend, I constantly suffer from my awkwardness and trust issues. That doesn’t happen to people I label as a close friend. Friend and I do know a lot about each other. But the favorite-whatever know. The basic-details know. Now that I think about it, it’s pretty shallow. Idk what sets Friend off, philosophy in life, first impression of me, etc.

Online, I’m okay. I say things I wanna say, barely thinking twice about it. But when I actually see Friend, we barely talk. And when I do talk I feel¬†uncomfortable. So I opt to stay quiet. After a while Friend leaves and the cycle is repeated.

I’m trying to break it.