Taking its toll
When my friend forgot my birthday and (jokingly, but still) blamed it on me not posting it on Facebook and never greeted me personally, it hit me: we’re probably no better than simple acquaintances. At that moment I realized that we have been so dependent on chats and text messages that I am still admittedly uncomfortable talking to Friend face-to-face. I can’t believe that my usually sentimental, friendship-obsessed self has allowed for our friendship to be built upon communication through Facebook and our keypads.
And now it’s taking its toll.
Around Friend, I constantly suffer from my awkwardness and trust issues. That doesn’t happen to people I label as a close friend. Friend and I do know a lot about each other. But the favorite-whatever know. The basic-details know. Now that I think about it, it’s pretty shallow. Idk what sets Friend off, philosophy in life, first impression of me, etc.
Online, I’m okay. I say things I wanna say, barely thinking twice about it. But when I actually see Friend, we barely talk. And when I do talk I feel uncomfortable. So I opt to stay quiet. After a while Friend leaves and the cycle is repeated.
I’m trying to break it.