Goodbye, 2012

by jemfinch

It can’t be a see you later, 2012, can it?

That’s both happy and sad, I guess.

Like the past year.

Which was both happy and sad, I guess.

But what’s pretty nice is that you can choose to hold on to the happy reasons and let go of the sad ones.

If the sad ones are hard to forget, there’s 2014, 2015, so on until the world really does end.

It will eventually get easier.

 

As for me, 2012 has left me a couple of things to remember.

One, that I should have more time for myself. Just thinking. Because that is how I come up with posts on here, aside from my random musings in the shower. And the wisdom of the people around me and those on the other side of the world, publishing works of art.

Two, celebrating your birthday alone is quite sad. I cried during my 16th birthday last year because there was no one to greet me personally until the evening. My family called me early in the morning but a phone call on special days, I now know, will never be enough and it was the reason I cried in the first place. Or part of.

Three, true friends are forever. As cliché as that sounds. But last year, the one thing I’ve constantly been thankful for is staying friends with a lot of people I knew before I moved on to college, especially one with whom I had a sort of falling out. But now we’re friends again/still so all is well. Most is well.

Four, do not be too quick to judge. And this is about a boy band I initially was indifferent towards but now adore. And you know, everyone else I met last year. (Okay, I try not to judge people. Really. But has anyone really ever succeeded there? All the time?)

Five, dreaming really is free (the I-want-to-be-a-doctor sort of dreams of course. Not dreams that intentionally want to hurt the welfare of others in which case, the free country is not so free anymore. But I digress.) and going for your dreams really is costly. Talk about the investments and risks. And the regrets. But I guess in a few years, I will be able to post about how it is worth it. Not now because I’m not even a quarter way there yet but there are days when I am doing what I decided to pursue and I feel like I made the right choice. Can’t know for sure yet but there’s an inkling and it has to be good enough because it’s the best you can get for now. And also how, at the end of the day, it’s still mostly up to you. Life is unsure. What can you do? (Do it.)

Six, people fail you. But that’s okay. Even the people you trust the most, your closest friends, they fail you. But that’s okay. You fail them too. But you don’t choose to fail them, do you? (I hope not.) It most probably means that they don’t choose to fail you either. It’s just that, things happen. Life happens. Love happens. Your Doctor Who download happens. A new book by her favorite author happens. Hell week happens. Just try harder this year. And hope people around you try harder too.

Seven, waiting is hard but waiting is worth it. Okay, not always. But there’s always the ‘at least’. You cannot really predict the future. Whether waiting for something is going to be worth it. That’s why they’re called risks. And that’s why it’s called a choice. And that’s why they’re called regrets. And that’s why it’s called moving on. Or trying again. Whichever works. Again, it sounds like something you learn every year. But 2012 has reiterated it. A lot. And I feel like I’ve become a lot more patient now. Concerning certain things.

Eight, “You love so much you shouldn’t be surprised you are loved so much back.”

Nine, noticing the nice little things is a–and at least my–way to survive a really rough day. It’s part of accepting that nothing is perfect but a lot of things are great.

Ten, BREATHE. When you have to. And you know, you always have to if you want to stay alive. Constant little breaths. And when things really get to you, a huge gulp of air is the way to go. But there’s a fine line between what you think is overwhelming and what is really overwhelming. Which is pretty hard to define. But if you take huge breaths all the time you’ll look really weird. And get tired, I think. Which is counter-intuitive.

So thank you year 2012 (and everyone who was part of mine) for those ten lessons… among other things.

Cheers!

 

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.” -W. Somerset Maugham

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