Today and today and today

and let's trust the future to tomorrow.

Month: November, 2012

A pretty good day

by jemnotfinch

I didn’t really plan anything today.

I just decided that today is going to be “me day” because I haven’t had any me time for a long time much less a whole day to myself, to do what I want to, for my happiness.

And so I woke up when I felt like it which is pretty early actually because I fell asleep early last night after a day I posted a status about: Days like this will be the death of me. I woke up very early but I only really got out of bed at lunchtime to eat. It was a morning of watching videos, playing songs on Red, my guitar, surfing the internet and listening to songs. Usually I would beat myself up for wasting time doing not-so-productive things but it is my day and I have had enough of beat-ups from a lot of other things and other people for the past couple of days so I caught myself.

In the morning I was talking to myself in my head which is not really unusual for me but I guess it got to me and I ended up talking to myself out loud by late afternoon. And now that I think about it, it may not be as unusual as I thought.

But aside from that, on the way home from grocery shopping (essential part of me day), I suddenly felt like getting off the jeepney a good distance away from the dorm. Idk why. I thought twice about it. I have a pretty big, pretty heavy grocery bag to carry. I’m too tired for a walk. I live here. What else is there to see? But I’ve been doing a pretty good job of following my gut lately and actually, recently when I decide on something and then find excuses to change my mind, a part of me says that I might meet someone special when I do this at this place and time or that something really special might happen when I push through with the original plan and I might miss it because of shallow reasons. So I do it.

So I did it. I got down the next stop and because it wasn’t as far from the dorm as I had wanted, I sat down one of the benches around the acad oval and watched the lights (it was pretty dark then) and took pictures and spoke to myself again (in my head this time). I don’t regret it. I didn’t meet anyone. Nothing super special happened. But I don’t regret it. It was kind of fun actually. Even when my headache returned as I finally walked back to the dorm while munching on one of the best things in the world: chocolates.

I got back to an empty dorm which made me even happier. I had our room all to myself pretty much the whole day. I mean I like my roommates; they’re really nice. But I just really felt like being alone on me day. And for good reasons too like getting to play the guitar + sing and talk to myself out loud. During dinner I even ate by myself even though I spotted a friend in the dorm cafeteria (she didn’t see me see her though). Everything summed up to be a pretty refreshing day.

Silence is my best friend on days like this.

*happy sigh*

The only decent picture I got after a couple of shots

The only decent picture I got after a couple of shots

The highlights of me day would have to include:

  • a phone call from home
  • learning plucking and Moving Closer by Never the Strangers on the guitar
  • chocolates and potatoes and fruits
  • my senti moment at the oval

mumomoment

 

 

True love

by jemnotfinch

Things that make you cry at 4 in the morning and convince you even more that true love does exist.

It is very hard

by jemnotfinch

to grow up with certain beliefs you’ve always felt you cannot contest because it was the truth for you as you grew up.

It is very sad

that I can’t even share this photo I spotted online because I am worried people who’ve always known me to be this or that type of girl would be scandalized.

I cannot fully express my support for the things I truly believe in because as my actual world seems divided, so does my list of Facebook friends. It is hard and sad and pretty tiring to deal with. There are no answers.

At least, none enough for me. As of this moment.

I hope they come soon.

Sanity

by jemnotfinch

I really really really hate disappointing people around me. I mean I don’t think anyone likes it but I am still so, so affected by everything that has been going on–failing–in my life. It is tiring.

The biggest failure yet for me, at least this week, is borrowing my roommates username to access the internet here in our dorm/university and getting her banned. Huhuhu. I feel like the biggest idiot ever. I am terribly sorry, roomie.

Gosh, yesterday was supposed to be a special day for me but the universe and who/whatever’s responsible for bad things that happen in it just cannot leave me alone. *SIGH*

Strangely enough (or not so), I am kept sane by listening to Accidentally in Love by the Counting Crows over and over again (which I cannot attach right now, Idk why).

 

And yay my tita (aunt) just messaged me. Huhu. She is one of the people I love love love talking to.

And I think my roommate got her username back because she is online on Facebook. I hope so.

And hi Div, thank you for introducing me to/to me Jack Kerouac.

World, he says:

It always makes me proud to love the world somehow- hate’s so easy compared.

Today, I realiz…

by jemnotfinch

Today, I realized how fortunate I am to be financially poor. Poor people are more determined to make it in life. Quitting is not an option for us. (Gaw, 2012)

A quote by a friend and orgmate. There are so many wise people in my life.

So many

by jemnotfinch

reasons to be happy.

Yet there are also so many things trying to bring me down.

 

And so with Aya, I chant, “Good vibes, good vibes.” and ipapasa-Universe ko na lang ‘to. (I’ll leave this to the Universe.)

Lights, nights

by jemnotfinch

the night we went to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I love lights and night walks alone after a good movie and a good cry because of said movie

*happy sigh*

November 20, 2012

by jemnotfinch

Noticing the little things 1

(as written in my journal)

THANK YOU, POLITE STRANGER who said sorry in behalf of his friends who were blocking the way as I rushed out of MB to get to my next class. You have made my morning.

Also, there was no line in the bathroom when it was my turn to take a bath. Yay.

I guess my “buddeh”‘s morning greeting also counts.

And as always, I love my Psych 108 class!

And just now nakaraos me sa Math 14 boardwork. (Just now, I survived the boardwork for Math 14.) Achib. Time flew fast in Math 14. I’m hungry.

Got The Perks of Being a Wallflower tickets today for Nichi, Pochi and I.

So much happiness hinged on a piece of paper. I love my university for screening this at the Film Institute this week!

Two thoughts

by jemnotfinch

right now.

One, I haven’t really done anything productive today. Unless you count finishing my chocolate stash productive. I don’t. I consider it sad. The only thing I’ve done today that is as close to productive as I am gonna get is to write and blog about my feelings and make more origami stars. And I guess from that I’ve realized that maybe the most productive thing you can really do at the end of the day is to do something for yourself. Or maybe that is my way of skirting around the fact that I haven’t done any homework or read any readings and I am running out of time. But I am happy with my little box of stars.

Second, one of the worst feelings in the world is to not know where you stand. Where you’re positioned exactly. Where you’re supposed to be. If you’re crossing a line. Or whether you’re supposed to draw the line. I feel torn. I feel lost. I feel like running away if I don’t find a definite place soon.

X

by jemnotfinch

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”
-Different Seasons, Stephen King

X marks the spot and this quote just hit home.