Today and today and today

and let's trust the future to tomorrow.

Month: October, 2012

High school friends

by jemfinch

have been friends with them for 3 years, 5 years… and counting…

Both the longest and shortest years of my life.

So it shouldn’t really be surprising that they have a special place in my heart. ❤

 

I have never been this happy since we entered college.

 

And they told me last night that when they look at me, they’re reminded of high school.

I choose to be flattered that I scream ‘the best four years of our lives’.

So does this mean

by jemfinch

that we are no longer really friends?

I missed one of the most important moments of your life… because you didn’t let me celebrate it with you.

I honestly don’t know if it’s your fault or if I’m to blame. But in any case, I’m sorry. Maybe we weren’t the forever-friends type. Maybe our friendship had a shelf life of, what? 3 years? 4 years? It’s sad but I honestly saw this coming. Not with you in particular. I just knew that not all of my close friends will remain close friends. I just knew that not all of my friends will remain friends. But I sure know we’re not enemies. So what does that make us? Strangers? My heart breaks at the thought. But then I can’t say I didn’t expect it.

 

Another sad thing is, I have now realized how fragile friendships really are. But that realization is not sad per se. It’s the fact that I had to lose you first to learn. So I’m sorry. And thankful that you’ve taught me this. But still sorry because it was at the expense of hurting, losing our friendship.

Well this sounds so cold and heartless.

But I guess most truths are.

Most lessons learned are.

 

Still, maybe one day our paths will cross. We will both be strangers then. But we’ll wonder why the other seems so familiar. And then maybe we’ll get the chance to be friends again.

And I’ll make sure I won’t mess up.

 

 

—————–

But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.
–Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Been there, done that

by jemfinch

One of the best realizations I’ve had recently is how absolutely amazing it is to be friends with someone, go through many challenges and blows to your friendship and still come out on top of everything like nothing happened– and even stronger, if anything. Friends through and through.

Five years of friendship (+ a sea of tears, a couple of confrontations and a whole lot of drama) later and it’s just nice to have one of the best friends in the world still around.

It’s a beautiful realization when you know a friend you’ve had too many close calls of losing is still standing there and caring for you.

 

I have asked a friend once if he thought we would remain friends for a very long time but it’s different when you know you’ll be friends forever with someone not because of a promise or anything like that but because you’ve been there, done that.

 

 

*I actually thought of this initially when I watched the Hunger Games for the first time this week and saw Katniss and Peeta hug in the end when they both were declared the victors. It reminded me of a friend of mine who celebrated his birthday not too long ago and who I told then that I was very happy we were still friends after everything we’ve been through. Our friendship seemed like a big Hunger Games too. I’m glad we prevailed.

One of these days

by jemfinch

I will run away.

Even for just a day.

One of these days I will be like, “Screw you acads and stress and people I can’t stand, I’m off to be happy!”

 

And then I will run off to wherever my feet will lead me with my journal and a camera and my phone (turned off) and chocolates to last the day.

To the sun and the horizon and maybe on the way I’ll find my happy place. I’ve always wanted to find a happy place of my own.

Maybe somewhere grassy and where I can watch the sun rise and set and just shine.

And realize that I don’t need anything else or anyone to be happy. I just need my peace and quiet and my thoughts.

 

 

Really, one day. One day I will.

 

After all, happiness is a choice. So what choice do I have to make? (DebSoc, unknown)

Dear you

by jemfinch

Hi.

Wanna know something?

 

I love you. I really do. You’re one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You’re an amazing friend and I love being around you and talking to you and sharing things with you…

but now I’m starting to doubt everything. I’m scared the peak of our friendship has come and gone…

for good. And I’m hoping each time I text you or message you a hello or a ‘how are you’ that you’d start telling me lots of stories and how you wish you’d shared some of them with me…

just one or two, you know. I hope I’m not asking for too much…

but what I get is really just how you feel: good, bad, sleepy, hungry, okay. My question about how you’re doing is more than that really…

and I was hoping to get a lengthier answer because then I’m encouraged to tell long stories of my own. But all I get is one adjective every time…

so I forget about it and now I’m trying to forget about you for a while. And as pathetic as it sounds…

I’m hoping you’ll soon miss me.

 

No matter how temporary that will be.

‘Cause I just really want to talk to someone.

And I don’t know why you’re the first person I want to talk to.

I think it’s unfair.

To you and to me.

HOME

by jemfinch

Finally.

 

 

And this post is just to say how happy I am.

Home is home, there’s nothing like it.

 

Nothing like having my family around.

Nothing like sleeping in a familiar bed.

Nothing like eating meals my dad cooked.

Nothing like being with the best friends on Earth.

Nothing like the freezing water at six in the morning.

Nothing like knowing just how much I was missed.

Nothing like the stupid smile on my face whenever I realize where I am.

 

And that’s home.

Showers

by jemfinch

Three and a half out of five pages, a new blog (and two posts) and a couple of hours wasted later, I decide to take a shower. It’s been my solution to my laziness lately. And when I run out of creative juices. And willpower.

Standing under the shower head has been my sanctuary lately.

I don’t know why.

Maybe the light pressure of the water on my scalp is what I need to jump start my brain again. To squeeze out some ideas from my worn out brain. It is ready to go home to cold Baguio six hours away from here. But it has to wait a few more days. Just a bit more. In the meantime it will find comfort in the shower. It will find life from the cold rush of the shower on very early, chilly mornings.

It will find inspiration from a reminder of home.

I will find inspiration from a reminder of home.

And pretty soon I will be home. I’ll find inspiration in the shower. And everywhere else too.

It is home after all.

Shallow Happiness

by jemfinch

…There’s no such thing. I don’t think so.

Everything that makes a person happy is not happiness in themselves but they trigger something within that person to make him happy. They trigger memories, quench needs, satisfy wants. And whatever it is, it makes a person complete and so it is never shallow. It makes a person happy and therefore it is something deep.

*Random thought after my roommate gave me some biscuits and I felt really, really happy.

Gratitude

by jemfinch

Expecting is a funny thing.

You must expect the worst so that you don’t get disappointed but no matter how much you expect bad things, at the back of your mind lingers an expectation of the best. After all, how do you know something’s bad unless you compare it to something good?

Either way you get disappointed.

You don’t get what you thought you’d get in return after all the hard work and sacrifices.

And you don’t know who’s at fault. You or your friend. You for expecting the worst but subconsciously expecting the best or your friend for being ungrateful or just naive to everything you’ve done for him/her?

Either way you’re devastated.

 

So maybe it isn’t very funny.